Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
