Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
