Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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