We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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