I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
