i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize