Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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