I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
