i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
