I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
