Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
