So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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