The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
