If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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