just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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