if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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