The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
