Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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