At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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