I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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