your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize