i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
