Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Drunk is a universal language darling
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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