We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
