last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You can't motorboat a personality
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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