I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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