Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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