Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i don't like sucking hair
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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