As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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