i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
jump out the window naked night went bad
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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