its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
