so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
