Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
