My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
