I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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