when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
