Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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