I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
