I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
