By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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