Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
