We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
