Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
