Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
