I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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