Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
