I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
im six kinds of drunk right now
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
