Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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