We got so high we made milksteak
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
