I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
