I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
