did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
