I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I wanna passion pit in your ass
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize