I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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