Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
