Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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