drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
