I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
