You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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