Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
