Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
