Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My penis needs a shock collar
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
