i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
