U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
